An exhausted happy new mom holds her baby moments after birth. Photo courtesy of Alice Swann Troberman. Photo credit: Shelia Flores.
Labor at night story number one
My husband and I were biking back from dinner with my oldest brother. I hit a terrific pothole and the bike flew through the air. Nine months pregnant, I gripped the handlebars so hard my knuckles turned white. I went into labor that night around 11:00 p.m.—two weeks before the baby’s official due date.
Since I was sure the baby would be two weeks “late,” I went into labor a full month before I was expecting to give birth.
I didn’t realize then that it is very common for women to go into labor at night.
What happens when you go into labor at night?
Most of us get very excited and snap into a flurry of action, thinking we’d better do everything we need to do right away, since, after all, we’re in labor.
We pack a hospital bag, call our family, alert our birth support team.
We wake up our partner.
“I’m in labor, it’s happening! Today’s the day!”
That’s what I did.
And now, with the hindsight of many years, that’s what I wish I hadn’t done.
When we stay up all night in a frenzy of activity in early labor, we risk making it harder to give birth.
And that’s what happened to me.
My labor lasted twenty two hours.
During those last agonizing hours, my husband and I were totally exhausted and sleep-deprived.
The hospital staff was impatient, a fact they communicated to me in both words and actions. A visibly angry nurse checked my dilation roughly, disgustedly pulling off the gloves afterwards and scoffing, “Nothing, not even a dimple,” before turning on her heel and leaving the room.
I’d been in labor for 15 hours with contractions every two minutes apart.
She has no memory of me but her words are seared into my memory.
I can’t remember ever being so demoralized.
Accused of being selfish
A doctor told me I was “being selfish,” for not wanting to “speed things up.”
He scolded me that I should think about my family, not just myself. His shaming worked and I ended up with Pitocin (a synthetic hormone used to augment labor) and an epidural (a spinal form of pain relief).
There I was–young, wide-hipped, in excellent physical shape, desperately wanting a natural childbirth, and thrilled beyond belief to finally become a mother–hooked up to machines and an IV, shaking uncontrollably from both terror and a reaction to the medication, tethered to the bed as tightly as if I had been chained there.
When you go into labor at night, it’s better not to rush things.
It’s better to stay lying down, resting between contractions.
Get into the tub if the contractions are too distracting.
Laughing helps, resting does too
If you can’t rest or quiet your mind, watch a funny movie that makes you laugh.
The laughter will help you relax.
And then watch another one.
Whatever you do, don’t keep yourself awake timing contractions.
Try not to wake your partner until you can’t bear it any longer. By then they will probably be awake, having heard the sounds you are making with each surge.
Or wake your partner if you need them to be with you but don’t do anything–just be there, together, allowing your body to do its work. Let your partner hold you, bring you extra hot water for the tub, give you a massage.
Kiss if you feel like it.
The more relaxed you are, the easier it will be for your body to open a channel for this new life emerging into the world.
Your labor may last twelve hours or it may last three or four days. There’s no timeline or “right” number of hours that it takes to give birth. Every labor is unique. Every labor is different.
There’s no reason to hurry if you go into labor at night. I promise.
Gloria Lemay, a Canadian midwife, says it so sagely.
Heed her wise words, mamas:
That first night can make all the difference and yet so many couples act
like it’s a party and don’t realize they are sabotaging their births right
at the beginning. Staying up all night in the early part does two things–it
throws off the body clock that controls sleep and waking and confuses the
brain AND it inhibits the release of the very hormone you need to dilate
effectively. You know that it can take days to recover after a night of
partying or after working a graveyard shift. Don’t start your birth with
that kind of stress on your hormone system.When you begin to have sensations, I urge you to ignore it as long as you
possibly can. Don’t tell anyone. Have a ‘secret sensation time’ with your
unborn baby and get in as dark a space as you can. Minimize what is
happening with your husband, family and the birth attendants. What would you
rather have–a big, long dramatic birth story to tell everyone or a really
smooth birth? You do have a say over your hormone activity. Help your
pituitary gland secrete oxytocin to open your cervix by being in a dark,
quiet room with your eyes closed. ~Gloria Lemay, Vancouver.”
Labor at night story number two
It was a cool October day and we had been walking in the woods.
My two daughters were asleep in their gabled room at the top of the stairs of our little red farmhouse in New England.
It was the day after the baby’s expected due date.
Eleven p.m. and I got up to go pee.
I felt a rush of liquid, which I thought was my water breaking though I wasn’t sure.
I sat quietly for a little while on the couch in the walk-through room that doubled as a guest room and my home office.
Then my body started contracting. I could feel the surges of energy as my cervix began to open up.
Even though this was my third labor, I felt my heartbeat accelerate and fear flood me.
Eleven p.m., just like the first time.
My water breaking to start labor, just like the first time.
But I didn’t want it to be like the first time. I didn’t want the same labor as I had had in the hospital in Atlanta. I let myself weep softly.
My husband was fast asleep.
Not wanting him to be exhausted, I decided not rouse him.
Instead I took his blue, red, yellow, and green terrycloth robe, the one Aunt Jan bought him when he was a teenager, and started stitching up the places where it had come unraveled.
I’d wanted to fix this robe for a long time. I sat in that walk-through room in our small home, my husband sleeping in our bedroom, my daughters sleeping in theirs, and sewed.
The surges kept coming, each one hitting me with more force.
My husband’s terrycloth robe, that I was sewing up inside out as I was in labor at night, looked a lot like these lithographs by Jim Dine. Two Florida bathrobes, 1986. Photo via NGV.vic.gov.au.
After letting myself cry, I called the midwife we had chosen to attend our home birth.
She had ten children, all of whom had been born at home, five unassisted.
“My water broke,” I whispered to the midwife
“I want to let you know my water broke,” I whispered into the phone. “But I think it will be awhile. You don’t have to come now. Come when you want to.”
I lost track of the time. I was too wrapped up in the secret beginning of birth and my uneven stitches to pay attention.
Maybe she sensed something. Maybe she heard it in my voice, interrupted by a contraction. I think she came right over, tiptoeing into the room where I was quietly sewing. Maybe I was also crying. I don’t remember.
A little while after the midwife arrived, I woke my husband.
He stayed with me while I labored in the shower.
We kept the lights down.
Everything was quiet and calm.
Our curious, alert, and oh-so-beautiful son was born about four hours after my water broke.
Everything went so much better that time. I felt protected and safe. I was surrounded by people I could trust, and who trusted in me and in my ability to give birth.
No bullying.
There was no shaming.
And no hurrying.
Just a baby being born into love on a starless night at the end of October in a little red farmhouse in New England.
What time of day did you go into labor? Was your birth experience what you hoped it would be? We’d love to read your thoughts in the comment section below.
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Published: December 13, 2018
Updated: January 20, 2024
Jennifer, I was @ 42 weeks (with my first and only child) and growing more impatient by the hour. But Monday morning, after a full night’s rest I got up, took a shower, dried my hair, applied make-up and ate breakfast. Within about an hour, I decided I should call my husband (college student at the time) and suggested he come home. We drove to the hospital, and I had to use the support of the sign-in desk to stand up. (the nurses razzed me later, saying, “What? You didn’t know for sure you were in labor? Hahah!). My baby was born within the hour after I arrived, as her Dad was still downstairs doing hospital paperwork….grrrr. No drugs, no interventions, and I So Wish Everyone’s birth experience could be as delightful as mine was. I’d love to help figure out how to help every birthing mother have the experience I had. But, after all, I don’t rule the world.
I’ve known some true warrior Moms whose experiences were so similar to yours. I’m glad you kept going and didn’t let that experience scare you off! Thanks for sharing your story.
I was woken in the middle of the night by all three of my babies when labor started! I was blessed with 2 four hour labors and one precipitous birth. No complaints here!
Thanks so much for sharing this info, Jennifer. It’s the kind of thing that doesn’t appear in any obstetric text and, yet, it’s crucial to smooth birthing. I only figured it out (after years of attending births and not seeing it) because I was on the board of ICAN (Int’l Cesarean Awareness Network). As part of my board duties, I subscribed to the email list for the women who were helping others to achieve a VBAC. After reading story after story of births that ended in a c/section, I suddenly realized that ALL those stories seemed to start with “Contractions began at 11 p.m.” (or midnight or some hour between midnight and 7 a.m.). That got my wheels turning and I realized that, for my own first two births, my sensations were there when I woke up at 8 a.m. I had just lucked out and probably slept through the very early part but I had not realized anything was happening until 8 a.m. so I had a rested partner and my circadian rhythms were as normal. All of this really got me observing my own clientele for this pattern and I started to really talk persuasively to women about having that last ‘secret’ time, alone, quiet, with your unborn baby. It’s such a simple thing and it makes a world of difference. I so appreciate you sharing your story and including my info. Love Gloria
If I hadn’t acted immediately after going into labor at 1:00 a.m., I might have ended up delivering at home by myself. By the time my ride was able to get me to the hospital, I was ready to push. My son was born less than a hour later. I only had one pregnancy, so I had nothing to compare it to, but I’d thought I’d have plenty of time, like my mother had with all five of us. So waiting isn’t always good advice. 🙂
“I might have ended up delivering at home by myself”. Many women today are doing this intentionally. Babies all over the world are born this way. We are mammals. All other mammal species do just fine delivering at home by themselves. We believe this would be awful but that’s because we have the erroneous language that someone else “delivers” our babies. No, women give birth. Gloria Lemay, Canada