Belly Touching, Be My Guest
By Sarah Naomi Clark
special to JenniferMargulis.net
Oh the belly touching.
I’ve seen so many ranty posts from pregnant women simply LIVID over the fact that somebody touched their belly.
Oh my gosh, it just really ticks them off!
And yes, this girl is stupid enough to disagree and issue a giant, “CHILL OUT,” to the pregnant ladies of the world.
There are three main reasons why you should embrace the belly touching rather than hate it.
Here goes…
-
Not that many people engage in belly touching
I realize I haven’t done a dozen double-blind studies correctly numbering the probability and frequency of belly touching during pregnancy.
I can say that in four pregnancies in three states I had a grand total of TWO people who actually touched my belly.
TWO.
(And they were nice people who I worked with and they asked first.)
I know. This is obviously a serious addiction and world wide epidemic.
Something must be done!
-
People are EXCITED about your baby
I know we don’t always like the way this excitement about our baby comes out.
I know I got tired of hearing how strangers were “absolutely sure” I was having twins next week when I was only six months pregnant.
This is the downside of pregnancy.
The upside of pregnancy and seemingly rude strangers is that the world is excited about your baby.
YOU—a stranger—they are happy about your growing life.
How often does the world celebrate the joy of a stranger?
Not often enough.
So accept their joy and celebration when you get it.
Believe me, a lot fewer people celebrate when you are pregnant with your fourth and your almost two-year-old is busy climbing out of the cart while wetting herself.
-
The joy over a new life still unites humanity
I realize it sounds a little cheesy to talk about the unification of humanity, but it’s true.
People are different.
They have a tendency to argue, disagree, not get along and basically be pretty lame to one another.
Pregnancy unites people
But pregnancy…
Family, children, love, loss, weight, babies, crying, pain—the things that go along with pregnancy and birth—are close to universal.
How can we be irritated when people love that you are pregnant and want to touch your growing belly to acknowledge this miraculous cycle of life?
I love having a grandma tell me about the four kids she raised or a dad tell me that he thinks breastfeeding is great and that is what his wife did.
I love that something so intimate can also be so universal. I love that strangers who would never talk to one another otherwise can strike up a random conversation about the things in life that matter most.
Yes, I know it’s hard when someone tells you that you look huge or “ready to pop.” It’s also hard to have people question if your due date is really that far away.
I get it.
It doesn’t always feel good.
But wouldn’t we all be a little better off if we embraced the openness that pregnancy inspired?
If a little grandma reaches to touch your belly, don’t be offended.
Share your gift with her by letting her remember the days when she was the one on the brink of giving birth to a new life.
There are so few things that unite us all as human beings.
Go ahead, touch my belly!
Related posts:
What This Mom Wishes Everyone Knew About Pregnancy
3 Toxins to Avoid, 3 Things to Embrace While Pregnant
Vaccines During Pregnancy, Should You or Shouldn’t You?
Published: June 23, 2015
Last update: December 21, 2022
Sarah Clark is a mother of four and a natural childbirth instructor in northern California. She is also an instructor trainer and board member for Birth Boot Camp, Inc., a company specializing in preparing couples for natural birth through both in-person or online childbirth classes. She loves seeing all those pregnant bellies, but she always asks first before she touches them.
Kerry says
No. Touching without permission is not OK. Period. End of discussion. Do not shame people for feeling that they should not be touched.
Laura R says
Touching ‘pregnant belly’ is contextual and completely acceptable. 85% of people have a pretty good read on body language.
I look at as similar to a hug, if someone sees you and hugs you after not seeing you for a while, and then touches belly briefly in that initial greeting phase (the one that lasts like 6 seconds, like when you see a guest walk out on a talk show) I dont see anything wrong with that if that person is also accepting of greeting hugs.
If you’re a person who does not engage in any haptics then its usually in your body language before someone is close enough to touch and most people read that and wont engage in any touch. Which is fine.
I find it a little odd though that people are feeling so ‘violated’. I would shrug it off, and if it bothered me say to myself “ehhh, they were just excited, little weird but we all do awkward things”. I would tell my self that because 99.9 percent of the time it would be correct.
Ana says
Touching someone you do not know without their consent is not appropriate. Citing examples using someone who hasn’t seen you in a while just demonstrates your inability to think critically. Please stop inflicting your horrible personal opinions upon the world about how other people should feel about being touched by strangers.
Lauren says
I’m trying for a baby, and to be honest, your attitude that it’s okay for strangers to touch a woman without her consent just because she is pregnant, as if pregnancy makes a woman less of a person, is just wrong.
You don’t know what germs that other person has that could endanger your fetus, and secondly, you are training them to think that the touching of a stranger without consent is perfectly acceptable.
Unwanted touching justified by the attitude that pregnant women should just accept it, makes the woman an object rather than a person with rights.
Annie Paquette says
1. One person touching my body without permission is too many.
2. There are plenty of ways to show excitement about the new life.
3. Again… why is nonconsentual touching necessary to unite humanity in the excitement over a new life?
Asking permission is not difficult.
Heather says
I’m with you, girlfriend. Frankly, I stumbled upon this article by accident and while the author is certainly entitled to her own opinion I can’t help but find it incredibly irritsting that she’d even consider telling pregnant women how to feel regarding their own bodies being touched. It’s wrong on so many levels.
Sharon says
Agreed. I actually have this crazy phobia about my belly button being touched. Not even my husband is allowed to touch my belly button. I want to throw up, it makes my skin crawl. Now that I’m pregnant, my biggest fear is someone rubbing my stomach. I would never allow it. Please don’t touch me without asking. I’d rather hug a stranger than accept a belly rub.
Maiga says
I am 100% with this commenter. This article is irresponsible. There should ALWAYS be consent in touch. Why are perfect strangers entitled to your body? Why does pregnancy give this blanket permission? That’s insane. I’m happy for a lot of people. It doesn’t mean that I reach out and touch them without asking. That’s bad manners and at it’s worst, leads to the over-zealous sense of entitlement to women’s bodies that has lead to rape culture. Women have ultimate say so over their bodies. You know who doesn’t care about who touches them and when? People who have completely dissociated.
Nix says
Let’s please not encourage people to touch each other without permission. I didn’t mind it so much when people I knew and cared about rubbed my pregnant belly, but it REALLY bothered me when strangers walked up and did it. I knew they were excited and appreciated their good wishes, but a simple “can I rub your belly?” made all the difference. People might not feel so great about their bellies or might feel self conscious. The impetus should be on the toucher, not the touchee, to have a little extra sensitivity around rubbing pregnant womens’ bellies without consent.
Teresha says
There are to many weirdos. Some people like pregnant women to much.
gary mullins says
I’m a single guy, Better for me to touch a non pregnant woman’s stomach, more fun
angie says
It’s ok if you know the person. Stranger, I don’t think so! You don’t go up to the dad and rub his private part and say good job!
Laura R says
Touching ‘pregnant belly’ is contextual and completely acceptable. 85% of people have a pretty good read on body language.
I look at as similar to a hug, if someone sees you and hugs you after not seeing you for a while, and then touches belly briefly in that initial greeting phase (the one that lasts like 6 seconds, like when you see a guest walk out on a talk show) I dont see anything wrong with that if that person is also accepting of greeting hugs.
If you’re a person who does not engage in any haptics then its usually in your body language before someone is close enough to touch and most people read that and wont engage in any touch. Which is fine.
I find it a little odd though that people are feeling so ‘violated’. I would shrug it off, and if it bothered me say to myself “ehhh, they were just excited, little weird but we all do awkward things”. I would tell my self that because 99.9 percent of the time it would be correct.
Ashley says
This is a tough one. I don’t think it’s right for complete strangers to rub just anyone’s belly. But this is because when I was in my early 20’s I had a lady rub my belly and congrated me on my being pregnant, but I was not pregnant, just overweight. It’s not very nice unless you know for sure. I was not rude to her & she did apologize but it was uncomfortable for both of her & I. But I also know people who have medical issues & can cause there bellies to swell as if they are 9 months pregnant. Or what if someone just simply doesn’t want to be touched by a stranger, maybe they just aren’t comfortable with stranger touching them. I think asking is just simply respectful!
Kat says
I’m barely four and a half months into my first pregnancy and I’ve already had people reach out and try to touch my belly. Yes, I know I’m skinny and it’s super noticeable. But I worry, as a person with personal contact issues, that people will continue to try to touch me without permission. It should not be encouraged. Being touched by people stresses me out and therefore stresses my baby, I shouldn’t have to accept that. I don’t worry about this with my close friends because they know getting too close or touching me without permission will give me a panic attack. (So bad I can’t even hug my friends or family without getting tense) People should ask first and accept when I say no. The only person allowed to touch me without asking is my husband, pregnant or not.
Heather says
Fuck you lady. Personal boundaries are actually a thing. No women should have to fucking ward off unwanted touch from strangers.
Allie says
I’m trying to understand why your reaction is so hostile.
The author did not say that people should touch OTHER women’s bellies without asking. She’s saying that she’s ok with people touching HERS, and she explains why. She even says, “she loves seeing all those pregnant bellies, but she always asks first before touching them.”
Laura says
She didn’t just say she was okay with it, she opened the article with a very clear “CHILL OUT” message to pregnant women who get upset about having their bellies touched.
Daphne says
I also live in Northern California and am pregnant. While I personally don’t mind people touching my belly, I can understand the concern. Firstly, over forty people touched my belly in the month of December. Yes, I’ve been counting. Not sure where you got your 2 from — maybe you just put off a certain vibe that says don’t touch me. Happily, all 41 people have asked first! Consent is the key. Touching anyone in any way without their permission is a violation. So I’ll let you touch my belly, as long as you ask first!
Tim Varghese says
Did you mind the type of person touching your belly? Did any men touch the belly? If so, was it different than say with women? Don’t need to answer if you don’t want to.
RB says
HA HA HA HA. only two people touched your belly, in your entire pregnancy? consider yourself lucky then. What if, ALL of the women at your church violated your personal space everytime you saw them? every sunday service, every bible study, every woman’s meeting, etc…
Yeah, I think your opinion would be another one. same goes for me though, if only two people put their hands on my stomach i would probably not make a big deal out of it, but my reality is what i just described… smh.
Clare Goodwin says
Your opinion is your opinion. Don’t tell tell me what to feel. I HATE having my belly touched, personal space issue! [Unkind words here have been deleted]
Nae says
Over 25 people have touch my stomach without permission, so I don’t know what states you go to but I should move there because it makes me jump everytime it happens and I don’t like it period. It’s not okay
Sunnny says
It is totally not ok for people to touch a pregnant women’s belly, how dare you try to justify this. Please educate yourself on the reasons and special circumstances that may make this difficult for pregnant women to alllow such as sexual abuse he physical abuse go hx of medical difficulties sensory concerns etc. Your ignorance is inexcusable
Some human says
The part I agree with here is when you said “People are different.” Yes. We are. We all have the right to feel however we want about what is legally classified as assault in most states. You may like the feeling of being touched by strangers. I do not, and I think it’s extremely irresponsible of you to pressure others to feel the way you do.
Maureen says
Three reasons you should never tell someone how they SHOULD feel:
1) You aren’t them.
2) You don’t have the same experiences as them.
3) It isn’t your place.
Laura says
Well said!
Mandy says
I disagree completely with this article. If you are fine with peop me touching you, then cool. But, you should not expect everyone else to be fine with it.
One of the first things we should teach small children is about personal space. No one has a right to touch you without your consent. We also teach “keep your hands and legs to yourself.” Then, we go on to teach about boundaries and consent
I fail to understand why basic rules of touch and personal space would not apply to a pregnant woman.
Consider also that many people have experienced trauma and abuse, and touch can feel particularly invasive and threatening to them.
No. It is never okay to touch without asking.
Selena says
I personally hate it when people touch my belly without permission, but its okay if they ask first and are not persistently nagging at me. It gives a good feeling.
Jem says
So your experience is the same as every other woman’s? Interesting. I never want to be pregnant and hearing my friends upset because strangers, including pervy men, touched them without their permission riles me up. In Kindergarten we are taught to keep our hands to ourselves. Why exactly is this a hard concept? Someone being pregnant doesn’t give others the right to touch them. Personal space is a thing. Who are you to invalidate other women’s feelings? If you like being touched, fine, good for you. But you don’t get to dictate that these women are wrong for not liking their boundaries being violated. I suppose you like germy strangers picking up your kids, too, right? After all, they’re just celebrating life 😛
Anon says
My friend at work (a man. Married. No sexual connection) has always given me a kiss at work. It is so awkward. Now that I’m pregnant, he kisses my STOMACH. Like even when I’m sitting at my desk. It is so unnerving. I want it to stop but I’m so embarrassed to say something.
Kate says
To Anon above
I would honestly tell him to “back the fuck off. Stop trying to kiss me or any part of me” if he continues, knock the crap out of him. What he’s doing is straight up harassment and NOT OK. Report him to HR as well.
Cassy says
My daughter overcame molestation and rape by her pastor from the years of 12-17. A child molester does not just do physical damage. They are brilliant in blaming the victim. Convincing them they wanted it, asked for it, enjoyed it and in the case of this bastard, it was God’s will. It has taken years for her to overcome and heal from the raping of her body and mind, the anger, guilt, fear, terror, pain. She still has panic attacks from time to time. So, in this article you are stating archaic BS that a woman’s body is not her own, that she should be happy to ebrace a cultural norm. So, we embrace unwanted touching “because we are pregnant” our child embraces unwanted touching because she is a cute baby, toddler, etc. See where u am going. If it is not acceptable to touch my body without my permission at any other time, why should it be acceptable during pregnancy. Shake the archaic “a woman’s body is not her own” in all areas and stages of a woman’s life. #metoo.
R says
This article still pisses me off when I come across it.
I wonder if the writer of it has changed her views since writing it. Especially what the ‘consent’ news flying around.
Jessica Watterson says
Yes, indeed is a very stupid statement the one you’re making. People should not feel entitled to touch your belly WITHOUT permission. Probably you only had a couple of people touching you because you were just boring or they people didn’t like your belly enough to go for it. (Your picture freaks me out)
People can keep their joy for themselves and in most cases, people that touch my belly is people I don’t even know and have this awquard belief that touching a pregnant woman is good luck so in reality they are doing it with an agenda to take something for you instead of giving you love…
You chill out and respect that no-one has the right to touch you with out your permission.
Mel says
What is wrong with you?! This is the stupidest article I’ve ever read. You should not be shaming women for feeling uncomfortable about strangers touching their bellies! Go on I dare you to post that same copy and paste reply…
Radha says
I completely understand this author’s point of view but it’s not the norm. Most women I know do NOT like to be touched by strangers. I would never want to or ask. I feel the same way about touching or holding their babies. It’s HER child not mine. I am allowed to give admiration but within limits as an outsider. I think the views of the mother should be respected. If she says “NO” then so be it. I would never just walk up and rub another women’s belly.
Daisy says
Yeah, with #metoo and all that – no one has a right to touch anyone without their consent.
Krissy says
The key thing that you wrote is that the two people who touched your belly ASKED first…giving you the option to say “yes” or “no.”
Anonymous says
This is such an insensitive post.