Teens and tweens are very confident that their parents know absolutely nothing. Photo by Jennifer Margulis.
I’m eleven and a half now. And now that I’m eleven and a half, I know a lot of things. I’m going to tell it to you straight: My mom has seriously become a dumbagini. My dad too but he’s not as bad. Now that I’m eleven and a half…
1. My mother doesn’t know anything.
2. My mother does really embarrassing things all the time, like saying “Hello” to my friend Nellie’s mom. How could she embarrass me that way? I’ll never forgive her.
3. My mother doesn’t understand that I can borrow her eye shadow without asking but she can’t even look in the direction of my slippers without permission, preferably in writing.
4. I definitely do not have time to sponge the table even though there are 35 minutes left before I have to leave for school. Duh.
5. Rising before 11:00 a.m. on the weekend is worse than being swarmed by fire ants.
6. I’ve mastered the technique of the Stealth Elbow Jab to the little brother. I had it down pretty good at age 10. But now that I’m eleven and a half I can do it really hard and make it hurt. Epic.
7. I’m the fountain of sweetness and consideration to everyone.
8. Except to my mom. (She’s a dumbagini, as I said before. So why bother being nice to her?)
9. That said, I am the fountain of sweetness to my mom when I need her to:
a) make me a snack
b) braid and sew up my hair for a gymnastics competition
c) correct my English homework
10. I have to __________________ (practice piano/go to the bathroom/do my homework) when it’s time to set the table that I earlier refused to sponge (see #4).
11. I did not come home late three times in a row. In fact, I’ve never come home late in my life, and you are a mean and terrible mother for not letting me go where I want to go right now just because you think I was late when I wasn’t.
I absolutely love this! And take this from a 15 year old… it doesn’t change that much for the next few years. Welcome to being a teenager.
OMG Those were the days ;D From “my mother knows everything, has eyes in the back of her head and the hearing of God and makes everything the best” to “my mother knows nothing, doesn’t understand anything and has the sole purpose of making my life miserable” in just a few months. Take heart though. A few years from now you will again know best – at least sometimes :o)
Love the photo of Hesperus walking on the beach! I remember when my daughter behaved this way. You describe it so well.
Jennifer — very funny, true, and beautifully logical. I bet your daughter will love it in a few years!
Jennifer — very funny, true, and beautifully logical. I bet your daughter will love it in a few years!
I think girls must be different than boys. My eldest is definitely way smarter than I am (thinks he) but I don’t have the whole embarrassment problem happening.
Oh boy. I always thought that pre-teen was harder than teen with my daughter. The middle school years were just rough. It got easier by about 16. She’s 19 now and just lovely in every way. I figured it was payback for how nasty I was to my mom! Hang in there.
I have a feeling this blog will not:
1) Make her think you know more
2) Give her a feeling you are less embarrassing
3) Encourage her to sponge the table
I do have the feeling this blog will:
1) Make her laugh when she’s the mom to an eleven and a half year old
2) Be shared with your grand daughter who will:
1) Think both her mother and grandmother know nothing
2) Think both her mother and grandmother are really, really totally embarrassing
3) Never, ever under threat of death sponge, wipe, polish or go near a table.
the embarrassment thing is kind of shocking to me. i just didn’t think my almost teen would do that to me but he does. ouch! trying hard not to take it personally.
I love it, it’s look like Zoé …………………