{"id":4343,"date":"2015-12-31T13:27:33","date_gmt":"2015-12-31T20:27:33","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/nebulous-oyster.flywheelsites.com\/?p=4343"},"modified":"2021-04-08T10:06:04","modified_gmt":"2021-04-08T17:06:04","slug":"ghostwriters-make-better-lovers","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jennifermargulis.net\/ghostwriters-make-better-lovers\/","title":{"rendered":"7 Reasons Why Ghostwriters Make Better Lovers"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"Author

Ghostwriters Make Better Lovers, a guest blog by Alisa Bowman (photo via Pixabay.)<\/p><\/div>\n

As you know if you’ve stopped by lately, I’ve been reflecting on the good things<\/a>.\u00a0One of the good good things\u00a0in my life is my friend and writer colleague Alisa Bowman<\/a>.\u00a0Alisa Bowman, a former senior editor at Runner’s World, manages to get done in a few months what it takes other writers literally years to accomplish. She’s kind and funny and compassionate and she gives REALLY good advice. Alisa Bowman has a brand new co-authored book out, called The Joy of Half a Cookie<\/a>.<\/p>\n

When I asked her if I could brag like crazy about her new book on this blog<\/a>, she volunteered to write a guest post<\/a> for me instead.\u00a0That’s Alisa. You want to help her and she finds a way to help you.<\/p>\n

The not-so-hidden agenda of today’s awesome content is to get you to buy and read one of Alisa’s books<\/a>.<\/p>\n

If you can’t afford to buy a book, ask your public library to order a copy.<\/p>\n

\"CoverThe Ghostwriter\u2019s Guide to Great Relationships<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Aka<\/p>\n

7 Reasons Why Ghostwriters Make Better Lovers<\/strong><\/h2>\n

by Alisa Bowman, bestselling author<\/p>\n

I never thought, \u201cWhen I grow up, I want to be a ghostwriter.\u201d<\/p>\n

No one ever does.<\/p>\n

A novelist? Yes.<\/p>\n

An investigative journalist? Yes.<\/p>\n

A ghostwriter? Nuh-uh.<\/p>\n

I fell into the trade accidentally.<\/p>\n

A friend had a book deal but no time or skills to write the book. She asked for my help. That one project led to another and another and another. Now, more than 30 co-written and ghostwritten books later, I realize that being a ghostwriter has taught me a lot about people, especially how to gain their trust, get along with them, and help them find their voice.<\/p>\n

In order to write someone\u2019s story, I need to find a way to get that person to open up to a stranger: me. They need to tell me about their most embarrassing and painful moments in life \u2013 stories they might not have told anyone before. So I have to find ways to put them at ease. This is what good ghostwriters (and journalists in general) do best.<\/p>\n

We put people at ease, so much so that they feel comfortable revealing their pain.<\/p>\n

Putting people at ease is a skill that can help anyone, not just writers<\/a>. It allows you to draw closer to the people you love, get to know them better, and help them feel closer to you.<\/p>\n

Ever wished you could get that sullen teen to tell you what\u2019s wrong?<\/p>\n

Ever suspected that your mother is ticked, but can\u2019t get her to explain why?<\/p>\n

Ghostwriting skills can help!<\/p>\n

Here are the 7 reasons why ghostwriters make better lovers. Use them to improve your connections with friends, family and coworkers.<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. \n

    Ghostwriters practice the art of curiosity<\/strong>.<\/h3>\n

    Every human being has something interesting that drives them. What is it? Find out. See that person like a mystery waiting to be solved. What makes that person tick? How did that person become who they are today?<\/p><\/li>\n

  2. \n

    Ghostwriters ask good questions<\/strong>.<\/h3>\n

    Don\u2019t ask empty questions like, \u201cHow was your day?\u201d No one ever has an interesting answer to that one, and almost everyone lies. They will tell you that their day was good or fine no matter how it really went. Ask meaningful, curious questions like, \u201cWhy do you hate your job?\u201d or \u201cWhy do you retreat to the basement as soon as you get home from work?\u201d<\/p><\/li>\n

  3. \n

    Ghostwriters create a safety zone<\/strong>.<\/h3>\n

    No one is going to open up if you fill the room with sarcastic quips and negativity. You might think the sarcasm is funny, but trust me: it gags people, causing them to hide their most vulnerable (and interesting!) qualities. People\u2014whether they be your spouse, your teen, your mother, or your co-author\u2014only open up when they feel safe. You create safety by smiling, by encouraging, by complimenting them, by mirroring (\u201cthat sounds so painful,\u201d \u201cthat sounds hard,\u201d \u201cthat sounds confusing,\u201d etc.<\/em>), by laughing at their jokes and growing somber at their sadness, and by really and truly listening.<\/p><\/li>\n

  4. \n

    Ghostwriters listen (which you\u2019re not doing if you\u2019re talking)<\/strong>.<\/h3>\n

    All too often I hear people, usually extroverts, complain that other people, usually introverts, don\u2019t talk and, therefore, are not interesting. When I watch such relationships, though, what I see is an introvert who talks and an extrovert who interrupts the introvert. Often the introvert will be right in the middle of the best part of a story. But the extrovert hasn\u2019t been listening because the extrovert has been thinking about what they want to say next.<\/p>\n

    With one interruption, the introvert shuts down. Introverts do talk, but, like an old car in the winter, they are often slow-to-warm. They need a lot of love and warmth in order to feel safe. When they are talking, give them the floor. Listen carefully, as if they are revealing the world\u2019s best-kept secrets. Ask follow-up questions. Look engaged. I think you\u2019ll find that that person in your life who \u201cnever talks\u201d actually has a lot to say.<\/p><\/li>\n

  5. \n

    Ghostwriters let them tell us their experience<\/strong>.<\/h3>\n

    Don\u2019t tell someone you\u2019re talking to what you think their experience should be. This is particularly important if you, like me, are a person of privilege: white, middle to upper class, college educated, straight, cisgender, the list goes on. When a gender fluid person tells you about the importance of pronouns, you are not listening to their experience when you say, \u201cIt\u2019s not a big deal. It\u2019s just a pronoun.\u201d<\/p>\n

    When a person of color tells you about the fear of being pulled over by a cop, you are not listening if you say, \u201cI never feel that way when I\u2019m pulled over by a cop.\u201d When you bring everything back to you, the other person feels erased, as if they attempted to show you the masterpiece of their life but, rather than take that masterpiece in, you took your own markers and colored over it until it became a self-portrait. We all do this, to some degree. It\u2019s part of the flawed human condition. But when we work hard to break out of our own experience so that we can hear, see and understand someone else\u2019s, we gain a clearer, more vibrant, more loving view of the world. It\u2019s worth the effort.<\/p><\/li>\n

  6. \n

    Ghostwriters study people<\/strong>.<\/h3>\n

    Notice their posture, tone of voice, mannerisms, and facial expression. Did her hand just shake a little as she told you that everything was \u201cfine\u201d? Did a hint of anger<\/a> slide across his face\u2014just for a moment\u2014as he told you it was \u201cno biggie\u201d? The more you notice, the less time you\u2019ll spend second-guessing their feelings and intentions.<\/p><\/li>\n

  7. \n

    Ghostwriters always look for ways to improve.<\/strong><\/h3>\n

    If a conversation doesn\u2019t go well, consider why. Don\u2019t beat yourself up. It\u2019s not true that you are \u201cno good with people.\u201d People skills take practice. I couldn\u2019t get as many people to open up two decades ago as I can now. The more you practice, the better you\u2019ll get.<\/p><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    \"AvatarAbout Alisa Bowman:<\/strong> Alisa Bowman has worked with more than two dozen authors on well over 30 titles, many of which she can\u2019t talk about due to legal and privacy reasons. Her two most recent books hit bookstores in January: The Joy of Half a Cookie (about how mindfulness can help you overcome your struggles with food) and Outsmarting Alzheimer\u2019s<\/a>. Under her own name, she\u2019s written a memoir about marriage<\/a> and articles for AARP, Prevention, Parents, Reader\u2019s Digest, Family Circle, and many other publications about topics ranging from millennials and marriage to medicinal pot to tech gadgets for dogs.<\/p>\n

    Related content<\/span>:<\/strong>
    \n    Why You Should Believe In Your Book and Never Give Up<\/a>
    \n    7 Ways to Help an Author<\/a>
    \n    On Professional Editing Or, Why I Charge Friends for Advice<\/a><\/p>\n

    Published: December 31, 2015
    \nLast update: April 8, 2021<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    As you know if you’ve stopped by lately, I’ve been reflecting on the good things.\u00a0One of the good good things\u00a0in my life is my friend and writer colleague Alisa Bowman.\u00a0Alisa Bowman, a former senior editor at Runner’s World, manages to get done in a few months what it takes other writers literally years to accomplish. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":7936,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":""},"categories":[8352,8],"tags":[118,399,682],"yoast_head":"\nGhostwriters Make Better Lovers, Here Are 7 Reasons Why<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Ghostwriters have to find ways to put their clients at ease. 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