{"id":3540,"date":"2014-09-02T11:27:19","date_gmt":"2014-09-02T18:27:19","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/nebulous-oyster.flywheelsites.com\/?p=3540"},"modified":"2020-01-09T09:05:07","modified_gmt":"2020-01-09T17:05:07","slug":"am-i-the-only-one-who-had-a-shitty-summer","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jennifermargulis.net\/am-i-the-only-one-who-had-a-shitty-summer\/","title":{"rendered":"Am I The Only One Who Had a Shitty Summer?"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Reflections<\/a><\/p>\n

\u201cHow are you?\u201d My friend Michele asks as we bring our iced lattes to a wrought iron table outside the coffee shop.<\/p>\n

\u201cOkay, I guess,\u201d I say flatly. Michele looks at me curiously, expecting me to say more. \u201cThe truth is I\u2019ve been having a really shitty summer \u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cReally!\u201d Michele sounds astonished. \u201cI never would have thought that.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t believe anything you read on Facebook,\u201d I sigh.<\/p>\n

\"Cartoon

Cartoon spotted in the New Yorker. Don’t believe anything you read on Facebook or any other social media. Your friend posting those gorgeous photos of their vacation may be having a shitty summer in real life…<\/p><\/div>\n

My son started fifth grade today and my older girls go back to school tomorrow. After weeks of unbearable heat, there\u2019s a nip in the air. The leaves are starting to turn yellow and red and orange.<\/p>\n

Though I don\u2019t do well with the lack of light in the winter months, I\u2019m so glad the days are getting shorter and we\u2019re heading into a new season.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s just been a really shitty summer.<\/h3>\n

The weather in July and most of August was unbearably hot, topping out at over 105 degrees some days. We\u2019re in an extreme drought<\/a> in Southern Oregon and northern California and we’re surrounded by wildfires, though there’s less smoke in our valley than there was last year. Everyone we knew traveled somewhere fabulous to get away from the heat. Every time I checked Facebook<\/a> there were more gorgeous photos of small children eating ice cream cones in front of Hawaiian sunsets and groups of friends kayaking sparkling rivers while mergansers bobbed in the water beside them.<\/p>\n

It was painful, looking at those pictures of my friends with their smiling families on their fantastic vacations while I stayed in my office with sweat sticking to my shirt frantically meeting deadlines.<\/p>\n

And my kids have been hating on each other all summer. Once friends and playmates, my 4-year-old<\/a> and 10-year-old managed to get into shrieking matches several times a day.<\/p>\n

It doesn\u2019t help that there are no boys my son\u2019s age in our neighborhood.<\/p>\n

And even if there were, I\u2019m not sure it would have made a difference.<\/p>\n

We live in an unfortunate time in America when children no longer walk to their friends\u2019 houses to play.<\/p>\n

Isolation and lack of community make for a shitty summer<\/h3>\n

A few years ago my daughter and I dropped by her best friend\u2019s house. Their family lives just three blocks away. Her friend had another friend over. They all ran around together having fun but afterwards Greta\u2019s mother made it clear that she was upset with me for not calling first and that it was so awkward that we had come over. After that Greta was unavailable for \u201cplay dates,\u201d no matter how many weeks in advance we tried to schedule them. When I invited their whole family over for Hanukah, which we did every year, her mother said they were going \u201cto pass\u201d with no explanation.<\/p>\n

My mother died very suddenly<\/a> almost three years ago. I\u2019ve been fighting what sometimes feels like a biochemical depression ever since\u2014the air goes out of my lungs, as if someone punched me in the stomach. Other times my limbs are so heavy it\u2019s like I\u2019m mechanical, a robot jerkily lifting foot and placing it in front of the other, going through the motions of working, making dinner, cleaning up the house.<\/p>\n

My mother\u2019s death hit me especially hard this summer. Her boyfriend had promised to visit but canceled via email, nonchalantly, because he was too busy with work. Which was as familiar as a skinned knee, something my mother would do.<\/p>\n

I picked up the phone to call her to tell her how disappointed we were about Ricardo. Then froze, my face numb. I could not remember the number. I had forgotten she was dead.<\/p>\n

Before she died, my mother had grand plans for my daughter to go to an outdoor adventure camp with my brother\u2019s daughter. Just hours before she collapsed from a catastrophic brain hemorrhage, she had bought a ticket to come spend a week with us.<\/p>\n

If she were alive, my mother would have visited this summer.<\/p>\n

If she were alive, I could have called her on the phone and told her we were having a hard time, money was tight, and the kids were fighting. She would have offered to send me a check and scolded me into good humor.<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t be silly, Jenny,\u201d my mother liked to say. \u201cYour kids are great. Stop complaining and let\u2019s talk about mitochondria.\u201d<\/p>\n

Maybe this shitty summer will lead to a spectacular Fall?<\/h3>\n

My son got himself up this morning. He wet his hair and brushed out the tangles without being asked. He made himself a tomato and cheese sandwich, whining about the tomatoes being too mushy. He took a container of sliced cucumbers and a bottle of pomegranate juice out of the fridge, putting it all in a canvas lunch bag. I made him an egg in the basket for breakfast. He grabbed his new school supplies from where he had stashed them on the top bunk.<\/p>\n

\u201cExcited about the first day of school?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo,\u201d he sighed. \u201cI hate school. You know that.\u201d<\/p>\n

Me, I hate summer. This shitty summer anyway. Next year maybe we\u2019ll be able to figure out a way to be that family that goes somewhere fabulous<\/a>.<\/p>\n

In the meantime, I\u2019m just so glad it\u2019s finally Fall.<\/p>\n

Published: September 2, 2014
\nUpdated: January 9, 2020<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cHow are you?\u201d My friend Michele asks as we bring our iced lattes to a wrought iron table outside the coffee shop. \u201cOkay, I guess,\u201d I say flatly. Michele looks at me curiously, expecting me to say more. \u201cThe truth is I\u2019ve been having a really shitty summer \u2026\u201d \u201cReally!\u201d Michele sounds astonished. \u201cI never […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":3542,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":""},"categories":[104,8162],"tags":[558,559,429,560],"yoast_head":"\nAm I The Only One Having a Shitty Summer? Social Media is Not the Truth<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Don't believe Facebook or any other social media. 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